


broken bonds, broken spirit. oh look, my hand is in your chest.

by krudelis



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, First Meetings, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Multi, No Beta, Not Actually Unrequited Love, POV Alternating, Reincarnation, Warring States Period (Naruto), i rlly love indra and asura's relationship when they were kids so i wrote this, if u like incest srry this is not it, kishi thats so fucking gay u expect me to believe their brothers??, kurama is that sassy bff, sun and moon references, the fact is hashirama is a himbo and madara hates him bc of it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-23
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:49:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26607025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krudelis/pseuds/krudelis
Summary: "I love you please. I don't want to kill you."Indra probably knew love at one point. He forces himself to forget. Hatred is the only thing he knows, only thing he focuses on. Indra hates; Indra is darkness and he will bring Asura with him down down into the deep pits of hell. Asura wonders where it all went wrong. He never asked for this; he just wanted to see his brother grow.The one where Indra convinces himself to hate his brother and Asura reminisces. They both can't help but hate their father just a little. + a look into the love lives of their reincarnations
Relationships: Ootsutsuki Asura & Ootsutsuki Indra, Senju Hashirama/Uchiha Madara, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 13
Kudos: 68





	1. Indra wants to slice a mountain in half (and maybe a hug)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!!! This is my first fic ever so please be nice I'm kind of nervous. i wished we got to see more of Indra and Asura and their whole dynamic as children. they were so cute! best boys so I wrote this.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Indra will burn the world and take ninshu, take Asura down. Indra is god, chosen, the one with all the natural talent and all the wit and all the knowledge in the world. Hagoromo is stupid to believe that Indra won't kill him and everyone. Indra will burn and take the world with him.

Indra is angry. Indra wants to flatten a whole mountain with his fist, wants to put his hand through his brother’s chest, take his beating heart in his hand, dig his nails into it so that Asura might know exactly how angry Indra is, how hurt he is. How the rage in Indra’s heart won’t ever vanish. Indra wants Asura to know pain. Indra will show Asura pain. Asura with his big eyes full of wonder, his heart made of pure gold. No wonder father chose him to succeed him. Despite everyone’s reaction, Indra isn’t all that surprised, no Indra is furious. Indra wants to gouge out father’s rinnegan eyes so he can never look through (instead of at) Indra again, wants to take that stupid staff that father carries around everywhere and smash it to pieces. Indra wants the warm embrace of a mother, wants his father’s eyes to look at him with pride, wants... 

Indra is tired, no Indra is angry and Indra will kill his brother and prove everyone wrong. Who’s to say he can’t? Asura stole everything that was supposed to be his and Hagoromo has all but lost hope in him and has turned his back, but his stupid old father will regret this. Asura will regret this. Indra will create a new and better way to reach peace and he will do it himself. Who’s to say he can’t?

The black thing in the forest says that Indra should have been the one to succeed his father, the black thing in the forest says that he wasn’t chosen because father feared him. The black thing in the forest says Indra needs to fight his brother to prove himself, and while he does not trust the black thing in the forest (Indra can feel the ill intent wafting off of that thing and it makes him want to vomit most days), Indra can see that what it says is true. The only way Indra’s life will ever have amounted to anything but a prodigy turned failure is if he kills his brother. 

Indra will kill Asura even if it ends with his life too. Even if he fails the first time, Indra will fight him again and again and again until he has finally killed him. Because even after everything, after all that both Indra and Asura have gone through, he still loves his brother deeply and that in itself is a crux, a weakness, a horrid vulnerability. If Indra wants to be strong he will force this stupid love out of him and Indra will win and prove Hagoromo that he was always right, and Hagoromo was wrong. Sage of Six Paths my ass. Stupid father. Stupid stupid Asura.

“Please. Please Nii-san, please.” Asura begs, cries. Somewhere deep inside Indra there is a resounding crack.

‘How pathetic. How utterly weak and disgusting. This is what you think will become the perfect leader of ninshu? Look at how he begs at my feet, father. How weak he is by himself, he needs the help of everyone. He can do nothing alone. He is so weak.’ Indra thinks and feels as if his whole body is on fire, feels his heart begging him to stop to go and hug his little brother, to tell Asura everything is okay, Indra will protect him. Indra will always be there for him. Indra ignores his heart.

“You could have been strong,” Indra says. “That’s right. He was never strong, only favored by your father. Stupid Hagoromo, he knows nothing of the world and what true power is. You should have been the leader of ninshu, you have true power. Show him. Show everyone. Kill your brother. Kill him. Kill him!” the black thing in the forest, or maybe it was all in his head, says.

Asura cries, and cries and cries and cries, and Indra feels his heart breaking in two.  
“Please,” says Asura. ‘Please’ says his heart. Indra ignores and ignores and ignores. Says, “I will fight you for all of eternity. Over and over again and then you will understand true power, that true peace rests in hatred. Rests in loneliness. You will see stupid little brother, I will open your eyes.”

“You will lose over and over and I will show you that you are nothing, and I am everything.” Asura cries and Indra wonders if that’s really all he can do. Then Asura looks up with determined shining eyes, looking like the sun in human form, looking like a beacon of light in all of indra's darkness, all of Indra's hatred. He's so bright and hard to look at; he might as well have replaced the sun. ‘Ah,’ Indra thinks. “Fine,” Asura says, “fine. I will fight you for all of eternity. Bring all of your hatred, all of your loneliness and pain. Show me everything, and I will still love you unconditionally, I will still show you how much you are cared for, how you are still not alone. Never alone. I’m here, I was always here, I will always be here.” 

‘Ah,’ Indra thinks again. “Bring everything to me and one day, no matter how many times we are reincarnated. No matter which form we take. One day Indra, you’ll see. I’ll show you! I promise!” Stupid Asura… stupid stupid stupid Asura. Indra closes his eyes


	2. nightmares aren't so bad when Indra's warm heartbeat is all Asura hears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asura has a nightmare. Indra helps him go to sleep again. Asura wonders where it all went wrong.

The girls in the village love Indra, or maybe it’s the image of Indra. They see him as a cold, elusive, mystery of a man; the girls in the village seem to love mysteries from what Asura can tell. Asura is six years old, he knows nothing except ninshu and Indra’s infinite knowledge. While Indra loves to read, loves to create, loves to practice and train, Asura is unmotivated to even learn the hand signs his big brother created with his sharpness. Asura thinks that father’s persistence in making him learn ninshu is a waste of time and stupid; instead of studying hand seals and learning to breathe fire, Asura could very well be running through the potato fields with Taizo, swimming in the river and catching fish to fry and eat. Asura is bored of ninshu, tired of it. While Indra is a prodigy in his own right, wielding the sharingan in his eyes just like father, Asura is nothing, no natural talent whatsoever. Asura is fine being nothing really, he doesn’t need acknowledgement and power to prove his own worth, he is fine with his friends and his brother. Asura adores Indra, would give the world for him, would fight any godly being who dare hurt Indra (even though Indra is so much more better than him and could protect himself so much better than him. It's the principle of the thing). 

“Nii-san! Nii-san!! Come play in the fields with me!! C'mon I'll show you how to pick the potatoes without getting caught!” ‘Please,’ Asura prays to whatever god or deity is up there with the stars, ‘please please please please. Just this once, please.’ Indra doesn’t even look at him walking towards the trees. Asura is left to play in the fields himself. Asura hates ninshu, hates father, hates the dojo and the followers of ninshu, hates it all for stealing his brother from him. ‘Would you even care?’ Asura wonders, ‘Would you care at all what happens to me? Or is pleasing father, is breathing fire more important?’ (Asura doesn’t hate ninshu; Asura could care less about ninshu, he just wants his brother by his side forever). ‘I hate this stupid place with its stupid books. And I hate father and his stupid ideas of ninshu. I want to play with nii-san. Stupid ninshu. Stupid father… stupid Indra.’ 

Asura broods. Asura broods at dinner, uncharacteristically quiet, failing to see Indra’s concerned glances. Asura broods during lessons, broods when a disciple comes and tucks him in bed. And Asura broods in his sleep, dreaming of putting his fist through his beloved big brother's chest. ‘Asura’ whispers dream (reality?) Indra and Asura wakes up screaming and Indra cradling his body to his chest.  
“A dream Asura,” says Indra. ‘Too real,’ thinks Asura. “Only a dream Asura. It’s okay, breathe deeply. Yes, just like that, you’re doing perfectly.” Asura loves when Indra praises him because Indra never praises anyone, because Indra is perfect and Asura is nothing compared to Indra. 

“I was trying to-” Asura chokes. Indra holds him tighter for a second then releases and Asura is scared that Indra will walk away, away and Asura will never see him again because Asura killed-

Asura can’t breathe all of a sudden, can’t see because there are weird floaty black dots everytime he tries to find Indra’s face, tries to hear Indra’s voice above the static white that plagues his eardrums. Indra, Indra, where is he? Did he do it? He couldn’t have, Asura can’t be alone, no he couldn’t have done it. Oh god he really- 

“Asura. Asura! Asura!” Indra’s voice. Indra’s face, all pinched up in concern swims into view. ‘He looks funny like this’ Asura thinks and giggles a little. Indra’s face morphs to one of anger, “why are you laughing stupid? You stopped breathing all of a sudden, do you know how scared I was. What’s wrong with you? What happened?” ‘Ah,’ Asura thinks, and nothing seems funny anymore at all. ‘Too real. Too real. Way too real.’ Asura feels like crying.

“Hey. hey, hey, hey, what’s going on? Why’re you crying? C’mon Asura you have to talk to me or else I won’t know how to help you.” When did he start crying? Is he that pathetic? Indra must be a god, or an angel sent from heaven to deal with Asura and his uselessness. A god...or maybe an angel. Asura thinks it's probably both; Asura thinks that he’s a horrible little brother for worrying Indra like this and he really needs to start talking very soon, once his mouth starts working again. Once his brain starts working again. Once it stops replaying his hand in Indra's chest. Blood dripping from Indra's mouth. Indra's eyes, surprised, confused, accepting. 

“I was trying to kill you, my dream I- my hand, it was- I had it-” Asura can feel his breathe speeding up. “Hey hey! Wait don’t- breathe Asura. Breathe just breathe for me. Can you do that?” Asura will do anything for Indra, so Asura breathes. “Good, good, just like that Asura. It was just a dream okay Asura? Only a dream. You don’t have to worry I’m right here, alive. My heart is beating just fine.” Indra lies Asura down on the futon and climbs under the blankets, holding Asura close. Asura can hear Indra’s heart beating.

“Can you hear it Asura? You can hear it can’t you? My heartbeat. I’m alive, I won’t ever leave you. I promise.” Indra is so warm and good and Asura stops wondering why his dream seemed so realistic and sleeps in Indra’s arms, huddled close to his warm body.

‘Is this reality or just a horribly long nightmare?’ thinks a now eighteen year old Asura wonders. His hand is in his brother's chest, and Indra looks at him with such hatred. “Asura,” he says (Indra's smile is viscous, blood dripping from his chin, challenge in his eyes. Asura loves him. Asura hates him), “you missed.” His heart is still beating. ‘Good,’ thinks Asura, “Good,” Asura says. Indra’s blood is warm where it covers his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> originally I was going to make it just Indra's pov bc he's rlly interesting to me, but then I had an idea about Asura and I was like oh! and boom i wrote this.
> 
> I might..might! add hashirama and madara stories to this but I'm not sure yet I did start Madara's but I'm kind of stuck so idk if I'll finish. for now I'll just leave it like this.


	3. whoever invented bowlcuts needs to be executed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No one fucks with Uchiha Madara, definitely not a fucking imbecile with such horrid hair. Fuck this guy and his stupid shiny hair and crinkly eyes and sunshine smile. Fuck him to hell. Madara will show him… but before that-
> 
> Madara meets Hashirama and immediately he hates him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapter title is exactly how I feel about bowlcuts. i can't believe they did hashirama so dirty like that, I don't know how Madara looked at him and was like, "yes this boy. this boy i love with my whole heart." like dude, you are so gay. he most definitely gay panics and hates himself. Izuna is like Madara are you okay? and Madara is like, "I've fallen for an idiot who can't even cut his hair" and then he cries into Izuna's shoulder and Izuna genuinely questions Madara's mental stability

‘Just a little farther’ Madara yells into his mind, ‘just one more skip and it will land on the other side.’ Madara holds his next rock ready to throw when a rock whizzes past his ears, skips straight across the river and lands… 

Madara hates being snuck up on, hates when someone stands behind him, at his back. It makes Madara feel vulnerable and well, everyone was at war now. Everyone had always been at war and war would always continue. Madara knew this and hated leaving his backside open. 

“Just aim a little higher than you’d expect.” comes the voice that managed to sneak up on Madara’s backside, unknowingly angering Madara to a boiling point. Madara turns around to see a boy just around his age with the stupidest haircut he has ever seen with a smile that makes Madara feel things he’d rather not think about. ‘An idiot. I’ve lost to a fucking idiot with a bowl cut and a stupid sunshine smile.’ Madara starts to hate himself just a little more, wondering who the fuck this moron is.

“Who the fuck are you?” This boy is probably a shinobi, no regular person is able to sneak up on a boy as high strung and defensive as Madara is. The boy looks too stupid to be a shinobi though maybe he’s an exception to the civilian population and he’s actually just really good at sneaking up on people. Madara has to be careful or this dumbass of a boy might come and stab him in the back.

“I’m your skipping stones rival!” says the idiot boy with his idiot haircut, “but it seems you’ve already lost.” and well- Madara doesn’t do well with losing. He hates losing. Stupid haircut will see. Madara will show him just how great he is. No one fucks with Uchiha Madara, definitely not a fucking imbecile with such horrid hair. Fuck this guy and his stupid shiny hair and crinkly eyes and sunshine smile. Fuck him to hell. Madara will show him… but before that-

“Your name half-wit.” Madara is questioning why he is still talking to what is clearly an idiot. Madara is an Uchiha and Uchihas don’t associate themselves with idiots. Madara needs to stop talking to this boy and go home to his father, to Izuna, to the graves of his dead brothers he’s failed to protect. 

“Hashirama. But I can’t tell you my last name for…well, reasons.” Madara takes a closer look at this boy, who certainly seems like a civilian but could very well be a shinobi. He’s skinny with long baggy pants and a weird scarf thing tied around his neck. Madara doesn’t really know what to make of him. ‘Shinobi. Definitely shinobi.’ Madara can’t bring himself to care about who this boy is or whether he’s a Senju or Uzumaki or enemy. Madara has the Sharingan (he hasn’t awakened it yet but that’s irrelevant as of right now; the raggedy looking boy doesn't know), he could take this imbecile on whenever. 

The problem however, lies in the fact that Madara’s back faces this boy. Madara doesn’t think Hashirama could do any harm to him really but Madara hates leaving his backside open, hates being left vulnerable. He turns and throws his rock across the river. One more skip, one more skip and it will-

“It’s because you stood behind me! I hate people being at my back! I can’t even pee when someone is behind me!” Madara is furious. How could he be beaten by this clown, this imbecile, this- this-

A body floats across the river and the boy runs across the river to check it. ‘Ah’, thinks Madara, ‘shinobi. I was right.’ Suddenly he feels bitter and angry. Why did it have to be like this? Hashirama isn’t an Uchiha, which means he’s… Madara refuses to think about it.

“You should leave. There’s going to be a battle here, um…” Hashirama looks dumb smiling that big with his hand scratching his neck awkwardly. Madara wonders what draws him into this boy, who looks so ordinary, so dumb. Madara doesn’t think about it. “Madara. Just Madara.”

“See ya around Madara,” he says with a big smile, plastered on his face, full teeth shown on display for the whole world to see and Madara wants to snatch that smile off of his face and hide it from the world, and when he’s alone at night he’ll take it out and just stare at it for hours, only for him to see. ‘Oh. Oh no,’ thinks Madara, “Oh no,”, says Madara to the wind and the water and the trees, “Oh no, no, no.” He walks to the closest tree and smashes his forehead against it.

Everyone Madara ever loves dies and Hashirama- Hashirama is so good, too good; Hashirama takes Madara’s entire perspective of the world and shatters it into pieces. Takes his hand and leads him to a dream, tells Madara, “Name it” and Madara looks at Hashirama. Looks at the way the wind caresses his face, the way the leaves seem to swirl around Hashirama, becoming one with him. Hashirama and his trees, his forest, his pull. “Konohagakure” Madara says, Hashirama is wind, the leaves, the trees, the forest, and Madara would do anything for him.

“You will lead,” Hashirama says, “Konoha needs a leader. That will be you.” Madara is in love. ‘Ah,’ he thinks. “The representatives, the feudal lord- they don’t- they don’t trust me Hashirama. I am merely the Uchiha clan leader. No one trusts the sharingan, much less mangekyou. It’s- we’re cursed Hashirama. You- you lead Konoha.” Hashirama looks at him and Madara feels like he is being looked into; like when Hashirama looks at him, he can see everything, can see Madara’s heart and how Hashirama’s flowers and vines curl around it; how Madara’s chest, his whole body is just Hashirama’s forest; Hashirama’s mokuton.

“I trust you,” he says, ‘I love you’ he doesn’t say. Madara hears it all the same. ‘I love you so so much,’ Madara wants to say, ‘You make me whole. You are the only one, who has ever seen me, who will ever see me. Look Hashirama, you have my heart. I’ve given it to you; it’s all yours. Crush it, cherish it, it’s yours.’ Madara doesn’t say.

Madara turns to look at the village that he and Hashirama built with their bare hands, with Hashirama’s forests and mokuton. He won’t be able to trust anyone the way he does with Hashirama. He would bear his back willingly to Hashirama. 

Hashirama’s face is carved into the mountain; he is named Hokage; Madara leaves. Hashirama looks unfairly good in Hokage robes. Hashirama looks like he could battle kami and win. Hashirama is so so good, too good for Madara, who wasn’t even able to- he wasn’t able to even-

He can’t stand to look at the man who he loves any longer. 'I hate you.' Madara convinces himself, "I'm leaving," he says and forces himself to look away from Hashirama's crestfallen face. (Hashirama has always worn his feelings, his heart, his dreams, on his sleeve. It's something Madara appreciates, loves about him. Now Madara wishes to swipe away all of it so there is nothing ever.)

Years later, when Hashirama stabs him in the back, the kyuubi sealed in Mito (Uzumaki Mito, Hashirama's _Wife_. Madara has loved Hashirama for eternity and Hashirama went and got a _wife_ ), Madara thinks ‘I hate you. One day I will defeat you. Watch your back Hashirama.’ before he succumbs to darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Madara's one of my most favorite antagonists but he is also very complex and,,hard to write. I don't really think I captured his feelings and why he left the village very well, but it isn't because he loves Hashirama (well at least not in canon bc of home of phobia), but bc the village system and the shinobi system itself is so completely fucked up and ofc a tentative alliance isn't going to stop war, only postponing it. Madara wants war to stop and wants eternal peace, that's why he does the whole eternal tsukuyomi plan. but in this fic, I really just wanted to focus on his feelings for Hashirama, cuz Hashirama the person who he both loves and hates the most. so I was j like, wow dude, ur so gay,,but like r u ok?? um anyways i'm done rambling pls enjoy.
> 
> oh!! another thing, I thought about putting Izuna's death in there and Madara's feelings about that, but i decided against it bc I was like no no too sad. too sad. Izuna's death makes me tear up 2 this day and the fact that sasuke looks a lot like him,,,man. i am writing Hashirama's pov so maybe I'll write about it there. ok ok im done fr this time. 
> 
> thank you for reading it truly means the world!!


	4. please don't turn your back on me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Hashirama decides he won’t think anymore because nothing good comes when he thinks (Madara says the term for idiots who are handsome like him is himbo. Hashirama is stuck on the fact that Madara thinks he’s handsome). Hashirama, just, really wants to see Madara in formal robes and the hat that says Hokage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen,,hashirama is a himbo. he is stupid,,and hot. but he comes to terms with his feelings very easily,,he's just stupid. like yk that scene during the war arc where tobirama is w naruto and he's like "dude, ur even dumber than my brother" i kept thinking about that. also man, titles are so hard to come up with. i spent like 20 minutes trying to come up with this one and im still not 100% satisfied with it. whatever. enjoy reading this chapter!!

Madara was a gift from the divine. Hashirama has always thought this, always said it, when his clansmen, when the Uzumaki would ask why go so far for a man who clearly wants you dead. Madara is a gift from the divine.

“That’s pretty fucking gay anija.” Tobirama concludes after Hashirama has gone on another tyrant as to why he wants, _needs_ Madara to be titled hokage, and well yea. Hashirama is _pretty fucking gay_ for Madara. Hashirama wants Madara to be happy, wants to steal him away from the world and hide him from all evil; Hashirama will create a little cottage at the edge of the world with his mokuton and together they will live in blissful ignorance away from everyone. So yea, Hashirama is a little infatuated, a little in love. But…

Izuna is dead- Izuna who Madara promised to protect with his life, who said “he’s all I have left. I will protect him with my life.” dead by the hands of Hashirama’s younger brother and Hashirama thinks it’s _so ironic_ that kami would give him Madara and his glory and make them destined to hate each other. Hashirama hates kami for it, because he loves Madara, loves him with his entire being, wants to be with him above everything but Madara- but Madara doesn’t- Hashirama wonders if his life would have meant something, if things would have just been better, if he had disregarded Madara's hand and just stabbed himself in the gut and watched himself bleed out until his end. Hashirama wonders if Madara could truly be happy, he just wants Madara to be _happy_.

So Hashirama decides he won’t think anymore because nothing good comes when he thinks (Madara says the term for idiots who are handsome like him is himbo. Hashirama is stuck on the fact that Madara thinks he’s handsome). Hashirama, just, really wants to see Madara in formal robes and the hat that says Hokage. 

Hashirama is named Hokage, much to his displeasure and Madara tells him one night he is leaving. “Do you think you’ve found peace Hashirama? Everything you’ve created, it’s a pipedream, a temporary fixture. Your peace will eventually lead to war, you will send children off to early deaths, only to deal out temporary peace all over again. I have found something greater, something better.” Hashirama thinks the way that the moon shines off of Madara’s hair makes him beautiful, he wonders what shampoo Madara uses, whether his hair really is as soft as it looks. Madara’s back is turned towards him, Madara has never trusted anyone enough to turn his back to them (‘except me’ Hashirama thinks giddily).

Hashirama wakes and Madara is gone. He walks around the village in his hokage robes and the people of the village greet him; a boy turns and gives him a flower (daisy) and Hashirama turns to show Madara who is… late. Hashirama will have to go and see him later, he thinks Madara is probably sick; Madara is never late.

Madara is an art form when he fights. Beautiful, captivating, he lights the world on fire with his sword, using his war fan to deflect every single one of Hashirama’s attacks. Madara’s the only one who’s ever been able to match Hashirama in battle, the only one Hashirama could ever go all out with, lose control with. He’s an enigma. People say Hashirama is amazing on the battlefield, a god of shinobi; they have never seen Madara fight. Madara who single-handedly controls the kyuubi, who looks at him with hatred (love? No Madara hates him. Madara _left_. Hashirama doesn’t blame him) and he’s beautiful on the battlefield.

Hashirama has lost track of time all sense of time, the kyuubi being sealed into Mito. “You married an Uzumaki, Hashirama? Isn’t that borderline incest?” Madara sneers at him. ‘I would have married you,’ Hashirama aches, ‘I would have married you if you just- if you _stayed_.’ Hashirama aches and aches and then he is angry. 

“You left,” he hisses, irrationally angry all of a sudden, “You left me and the village for some stupid fucking greater power you dreamt of. You made fun of me for dreaming and then you left. Don’t play your stupid mind games with me.” Hashirama is so, so fucking tired and Madara’s eyes widen for a second he seems surprised and there is something there in his eyes but Hashirama is too stupid to decipher what it is. Hashirama wants to kiss him, pull his body into his, mold himself into the shape of Madara, become one with him. But he can’t-he _can’t_ because Madara _hates him_. “You will never be able to truly see what’s inside of my heart. No matter how great of a shinobi you are, how great you become, we will never be on the same page” Madara says. ‘I hate you. I wish I never met you, wish we never had an alliance, wish I had killed you the first day I met you’ Hashirama hears. Hashirama feels like dying all over again. 

Madara’s eyes harden again and all Hashirama is able to see is blinding red hatred. ‘When did this happen? What happened to us Madara? I thought you were- I thought _we were happy_.’ Hashirama feels like his heart is breaking, cracking beneath his ribcage, he wonders if he just killed himself, if it would all stop. Maybe Madara would finally be happy. 'I would do anything for you,' Hashirama thinks as Madara hurls another tailed beast bomb at him.

Hashirama has lost track of time. They could have been fighting for hours, days, years; Hashirama doesn’t know, doesn’t care. When he looks down to where Madara is, he sees his back, a sword embedded where his heart is. “Madara,” Hashirama says. How did his sword get there? When did his hands move there? Why was Madara’s back always facing him? “Madara,” he pleads, “Madara wake up. C’mon, let’s go home.” He pulls the sword free, he’s standing on water, there is a river, and a waterfall; Madara drops into the water. 

Hashirama doesn’t know how long he stands there, when it stops raining, or how he gets home; he can’t remember anything except Madara’s blood on his sword. When he wakes up Mito is there with concerned, sad eyes. “Madara,” he rasps. “Oh Hashirama,” she says, understanding (he really doesn’t deserve Mito; really she deserves someone who will be able to give her their full heart, unconditional love; Hashirama is such a fuck up), and kisses his forehead. Hashirama wonders if the roof is leaking right onto his face, he should probably fix that, he just needs to put his hands together (it stopped raining ages ago).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am all for the hashirama, god of shinobi, and absolute fucking idiot agenda.
> 
> originally, i was keeping it as indra and asura but then i ended up writing madara and hashirama, so now i am thinking about writing sasuke and naruto. that being said, sasuke and naruto's story will probably be 10x happier than the last two bc yk how their last fight goes. but there will still be very much a lot of angst incorporated in it bc their dysfunctional. 
> 
> so i hope you enjoyed reading my take on hashirama and madara. i hope i captured all their gay pining and misunderstanding perfectly!! 
> 
> thank you for reading, it means the world to me!!


	5. the fight to end all fights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sun sets as the moon starts to show itself, Sasuke takes Naruto's mouth into his and everything is still and perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this listening to when the day met the night by panic at the disco. idk the song name reminds me a lot of sns. this is sasuke's pov!! finally got this out. it was kinda hard bc i feel like sasuke is so elusive and emotionally repressed yk, but he feels so much when it comes to naruto that it's hard to put into words.
> 
> also the presidential debate...it's so embarrassing that people from other countries watched that. i hate being american. and the fact that trump cannot even come out and say that white supremacy is bad..im so disgusted. but, well hey, please please please settle for biden. please. if you are not from america...look away please i am already embarrassed enough as it is.
> 
> on to better topics: enjoy reading sasuke try and ignore his feelings.

Sasuke looks at Madara lying almost dead a couple of feet away from him. Hashirama is bent over him, whispering something to him; there’s something there in his eyes. Sasuke has seen it before somewhere; he can’t seem to recall, maybe Itachi… or maybe-

Naruto's presence is so loud. Sasuke forgot just how much he _missed_ it (which is a stupid that that Sasuke most definitely does not have) He speaks to his father, Sasuke doesn't know if speaking is what he does, has ever done, the way he is practically yelling for everyone to hear his entire life story. His father, the yondaime, really everyone should have figured it out long ago. Of course Uzumaki Naruto is the Yondaime’s son, of course he is (Sasuke isn't bitter, not one bit). He’s an enigma, the only thing that ties Sasuke to this world; Sasuke needs him-

Sasuke needs to get rid of him.

Hashirama is looking at him with a pained look in his eyes as he goes up into the sky. Sasuke wonders what he sees that hurts him that badly, and wonders who he is reminded of. Naruto turns to look at him with a tentative smile on his face and tear tracks down his dirty cheeks and oh. Oh so that’s where he had seen it before, Hashirama looks at Madara the way Naruto looks at him. ‘What does that mean? What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?’ Sasuke turns away.

Sasuke feels exhaustion creeping up on him and realises that today is the day that Naruto turns seventeen. Seventeen years since the kyuubi attacked Konoha, since Obito killed his own sensei and Naruto’s parents, and now the anniversary of the Fourth Shinobi War, the day Naruto watches his own dad die twice. Sasuke hates the world for everything it’s put him through, and despite everything he can still turn towards Sasuke and blind him with his smile.

Sasuke hates him (he loves him), wants to kill him, will kill him, even if he ends up killing himself in the process. Naruto is so beautiful, with his sunshine hair, blue eyes, his smile that no matter how hard Sasuke tries, no matter how hard he wills himself, he can’t forget.

Naruto, Sasuke realizes, is what makes the world go round. Naruto continues to look at him, though his smile dims and his eyes grows serious. Sasuke's own self-loathing grows exponentially.

Sasuke looks at Naruto smiling at him, at him, and almost loses his will to fight; almost. The kyuubi (Kurama, Naruto calls him. Trust Naruto to make nice with the fucking chakra demon living inside his head. Of fucking course) looks at him with distaste, anger, and pity? Sasuke hates him; hates that stupid look on his stupid fox face.   
Oh look, there’s his fighting spirit. Sasuke casts the genjutsus.

They fight as if they’ve been doing this their whole life, as if they had never even left each other for a second. They are a beautiful symphony, purple and yellow splashed over an empty canvas over and over, they paint the sky. ‘I will never have this again,’ Sasuke realizes, ‘He won’t ever look at me again, smile at me again, there won’t ever be a challenge over again.’ 

Sasuke’s body, despite being constantly in motion, turns ice cold.

They are up in the sky, Sasuke uses the tailed beasts chakra to enhance his Susano, and all of a sudden Naruto is in full sage mode.

It’s Sasuke’s arrows against Naruto’s rasen-shuriken.

It’s Sasuke, with the last of his chakra, making a chidori aiming it at Naruto, and Naruto. Naruto, who still looks perfect despite Sasuke beating the shit out of him over and over again. Sasuke wants him dead already before he loses his resolve. “Why won’t you die?” Sasuke asks. He’s so frustrated and angry and hurt; he needs to do this he has to he can’t-

“Why can’t you just for once? Just once- let me win. Let me take you down. I need to kill you.” Sasuke is terrified because he doesn’t know if he can follow through with- if he can truly be alone anymore. Naruto is looking at him with those eyes- those eyes that could always look through him past the lies, past everything and truly see him- the only ones that could ever do that. Sasuke doesn’t know if he can do it.

“Can’t,” Naruto is having trouble breathing. ‘Fuck,’ thinks Sasuke, the chidori is forming in is right hand. ‘Fuck, fuck, fuck.’

“You’re my friend, Sasuke. My one and only.” Sasuke moves before he even realises (fucking prick using Sasuke’s own words against him) and Naruto is moving too, closer and closer. Sasuke thinks about kissing him.

Sasuke wonders when Naruto became the only exception, wonders if this is what death is like. Naruto is there with him and Sasuke feels warm. Naruto is there on the swing as he looks over Konoha. The Konoha of their dreams, the Konoha in their deaths. Sasuke feels content being there with him as he screams something about Tsunade and the Infinite Tsukuyomi. 

Sasuke feels warm again, watching Naruto and all his colors define, take over Sasuke’s world all over again. 

There is a single drop; Sasuke blinks and Naruto is gone; the world turns to gray once again.

There is a single drop; Sasuke opens his eyes to see the sky bathed in orange. ‘Naruto,’ he thinks. God his thoughts have started to revolve around Naruto all over again.

“I told you,” a voice startles him, and wow. There he is, bathed in the orange of the setting sky. Sasuke doesn’t know why he ever thought he could kill the only thing that makes the world go round; the one person that dictates what the universe is and what it does.

Sasuke loves him. 

“If I die you die.” He says, “We’ll bleed out if we so much as move.” He laughs breathless, just how Sasuke feels.

“Why?” He asks, “Why do you go so far for me? Why do you try so hard? I tried to kill you. _Naruto I tried to kill you._ ” He can feel the tears building up, burning the back of his eyelids and he can’t breathe. ‘I don’t deserve you.’ He thinks, ‘I don’t deserve to stand by you, fight with you, fight you. I’m nothing, Naruto. But you-you’re the entire universe. _Why?_ ’ 

“I love you,” he says, like it’s the most easiest thing to say in the world and what the fuck. “What the fuck Naruto?” Sasuke can’t deal with him. He turns to look at him. “What the fuck?”

Naruto looks scared and confident at the same time. “I love you.” Sasuke watches Naruto’s lips move around those words, his whole body heating in warmth that only Naruto can make him feel. But- but no, it’s all _wrong_. Sasuke just finished trying to _kill_ Naruto.

“Are you a masochist?” Naruto bursts out laughing and Sasuke’s world fills with color so bright he fears he might go blind despite having the eternal mangekyou. He turns to look at him with his bright brilliant hair, bright blue twinkling eyes, grinning so wide and bright. 

“No Sasuke.” He laughs. Sasuke can’t seem to get the way his lips form around his name out of his head. “No I just love you.” He grins even wider. ‘How is that even possible?’ Sasuke wonders and then remembers that anything is possible when you’re Uzumaki Naruto.

Sasuke feels so warm and is terrified that this feeling will go away. He doesn’t want it to go away; he won’t let it now that he has it again. 

It feels like an eternity until he gets close enough to Naruto’s face. Naruto still has that stupid smile on his face, though it seems to have grown softer. He watches him like he knows; he probably does, Naruto’s the only who’s ever been able to look into Sasuke and see everything both beautiful and ugly.

The sun sets and the moon starts to show itself; Sasuke leans over and takes Naruto’s mouth into his; everything is still and perfect. Everything feels right. All the puzzle pieces come together. Sasuke doesn’t really feel like dying now when he can have Naruto like this, but if it were to happen at least this time he would be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well there is emotionally repressed sasuke for you. i feel like he feels a lot of feelings but after having hide them for so long for the sake of revenge bc he's emo he doesn't exactly know how to distinguish them yk. sasuke is such a king tho half the fandom hates him (bc he's a complex character and ppl don't like to use their braincells) but he's a good boy in my mind. oh you're a S-class criminal/terrorist and the state is out to get you? come here lemme squish your cheeks. naruto agrees with me. 
> 
> midterms are coming up for me soon and i'm starting to become super stressed ab everything and senioritis is getting to me so i probably won't be getting naruto's pov out until a couple of weeks later but i do have some of it written! fear not. i will get it out tho. be proud of me tho instead of working on my ap gov project due in two days that i haven't started i finished this!! yay me.
> 
> as always thank you for reading it means the world to me!!


	6. "because you're my friend," he says, "because i love you," he doesn't say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Maybe you shouldn’t have fallen in love at the age of 12,” Kurama grumbles, “Maybe we wouldn’t be here while Sasuke is making his dramatic ‘I’m gonna rule the world’ speech and all you can do is ogle and think, ‘wow he’s so hot, plotting to take over the world’ instead of listening to what he’s actually saying and the fact that hey, you might fucking die here idiot.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love kurama and all his sassiness. he's such a king deserves the entire world.

One would think, after seeing Obito fail to control the world by himself, after seeing Madara try and almost succeed but ultimately fail after being swindled by black zetsu, after sealing Kaguya and seeing her, a literal god, fail at dominating the world by herself, Sasuke would look and see a pattern, see that yea maybe you can’t do everything by yourself, and then he would turn to see Naruto standing right there, right _fucking next to him_ ready to take on the world with him. 

But no, of course not, Sasuke is a stubborn son of a bitch, and he’s all “I need to fight you and kill you so I can truly be alone” and Naruto thinks, screams in his head so loud Kurama tells him to shut the fuck up, ‘Fuck you. God, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.’ Sasuke is such a piece of shit, Naruto wants to hate him so badly, wants to forget him, leave him in the past, but he can’t and it _hurts_. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t have fallen in love at the age of 12,” Kurama grumbles, “Maybe we wouldn’t be here while Sasuke is making his dramatic ‘I’m gonna rule the world’ speech and all you can do is ogle and think, ‘wow he’s so hot, plotting to take over the world’ instead of listening to what he’s actually saying and the fact that hey, you might fucking die here idiot.” Kurama’s commentary was unnecessary, unasked for, uncalled for. Naruto tells him kindly, “shut the fuck up,” with a great smile placed on his face.

Kurama huffs in his face (the nerve stupid fucking fox Naruto might die just to spite him) and says, “Wake me up when you’ve finished gay panicking and are ready to fight.”

Naruto wants to scream because here they are and it's the same thing over and over and over again; Naruto hates repetition. Naruto didn’t ask to be a reincarnation of two idiots, one swindled into the promise of power and the other giving up before even trying. Naruto is sick of it all and he just wants Sasuke back by his side, where he belongs.

“I won’t let you take on all this burden yourself. I’ll take it on with you and die with you, if that’s what you truly want” 

‘Please,’ Naruto begs, ‘please, Sasuke. Let me in for once. I love you. I _love_ you’

“What the fuck is this?” Kurama snorts, unhelpfully. “Romeo and Juliet?” Naruto would like to curse him and give him a piece of his mind but Sasuke is throwing his katon jutsu at him and Naruto has to focus on dodging. 

Stupid unhelpful fox demon idiot. “Fuck off” Naruto manages while getting punched in the face. “Gimme your chakra.”

The purple really fits Sasuke. “Really makes his eye pop.” Kurama says bitterly, still angry his other half is caught in a genjutsu and sealed away in the sky.

And wow. There goes Sasuke using the bijuu chakra to power his susano. Kurama scoffs muttering something about idiot Uchihas with no sense of boundaries. Naruto thinks he looks cool. Kurama thinks that love is clouding his judgement and he need to focus or else he’s gonna fucking die.

“Aww,” Naruto says, as he’s falling from the sky, “you’re worried about me. You’ve gone soft Kurama.” Kurama growls at him and turns around, “I’m out of chakra now, your fight.” Stupid fucking chakra beast, running out of chakra. Naruto hits the ground and is once again faced with grim reality.

Sasuke packs a hard punch. He looks so angry, but not at Naruto. It’s never at Naruto, it’s always past him. Naruto hates that he can’t take Sasuke’s anger, hates that Sasuke is always looking through him, never at him. Naruto lets him punch him, feels the pain bloom on his face, reminds himself that he’s real and Sasuke’s real and he’s here finally, _finally_ in front of Naruto. He’s beautiful, even with his left eye closed because of overexertion, exhaustion written plain across his face, smelling of dirt, sweat, grime, and Sasuke. 

Naruto loves him so much. Naruto wants to kiss him so badly. He accidentally head butts him on the way up. 

It’s Naruto’s rasengan to Sasuke’s chidori.

‘How many times have we done this?’ Naruto thinks idly as if he isn’t about to die. Kurama is sleeping, at least half of him is still alive up in the sky somewhere. 

He wakes to a fading sky and his harm ripped to pieces and a confession on the tip of his tongue. Sasuke doesn’t help with how he’s suddenly started using his voice excessively, asking question after question. Naruto wishes he would shut the fuck up and let him sleep.

“Why do you try so hard for me?” Stupid fucking Sasuke with his shitty butt hair, dark eyes, perfect lips, stupid fucking voice that makes Naruto shiver, butterflies erupting in his stomach, threatening to spill out of his mouth. ‘Of all the people,’ Naruto thinks, ‘of all the people, it had to be him. I’m a fucking idiot.’

Naruto sighs; he’s so fucking exhausted of everything. “Because,” he says. He feels like crying, screaming, punching Sasuke in the stomach because _what the fuck_. After everything they’ve gone through, after all they’ve seen and done, and Sasuke _still doesn’t know_.

Everyone who ever said that Naruto is the oblivious one, gather round, meet Uchiha Sasuke, an even greater idiot than he is. Naruto doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

He settles on laughter, it’s what he’s always settled on. Sasuke turns and frowns at him, frown turning into a glare. He opens his mouth to says something, but Naruto doesn’t care what he has to say anymore.

“Because, Sasuke,” he reaches down deep somewhere inside of him to find strength, ‘because I _love_ you.” He can feel the tears leaking from his eyes and god he must look absolutely pathetic to Sasuke right now.

It feels nice to say, after so many years of holding it in. “I love you,” he says again, feeling light, lighter than he’s ever been before, feeling a smile creeping up onto his face. 

“What the fuck?” comes the reply, and wow, the light feeling in his chest is gone as fast as it came, dread replacing it. Is it really so hard to grasp? Is it so hard, so _unthinkable_ to think that Naruto loves Sasuke? Naruto forces himself to keep smiling and to turn to Sasuke and repeat himself, even if it kills him in the end, even if Sasuke turns and walks away from him, he needs Sasuke to know.

“I love you,” he repeats. There is something akin to wonder in Sasuke’s eyes, his mouth in the shape of an O. Naruto really really wants to kiss him; he’s too tired to move.  
“Are you a masochist?” Naruto bursts out laughing, jostling his blown off arm, his laugh turning into a hiss of pain.  
“No,” he’s grinning, the light feeling returning to his chest. “No, I just love you.”

Sasuke’s lips are chapped and ripped up, bloodied from their fight and so _warm_. Naruto feels heat crawl up through his body, in his veins. 

When he pulls back, he’s illuminated by the setting sun, the moon coming out of its hiding spot in the sky. Naruto has never seen anything more beautiful than him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well this is it!! i managed to finish Naruto's part which was mostly me indulging in sassy sarcastic kurama.
> 
> i don't really have anything to say about naruto, except i really like the way he feels things, like he's so open and honest and blunt. the exact opposite of sasuke, so i don't think it takes a lot for naruto to confess, he probably thought that sasuke already knew. but he's also very shy!! and i love him so so much. there's a reason he's my favorite character he's just so good.
> 
> anyways i hope you enjoyed it!! i honestly don't really remember writing half of this cuz i was practically drowning in work and anxiety. if anyone knows the cure to senioritis please tell me it is only the second quarter and i feel like giving up

**Author's Note:**

> I hoped you liked it!! please leave kudos and comments. thank you so much for reading it truly means alot!!


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